Archive for December, 2011

12 Step Non-WODoholic Program: I Had Other Shit Going On

Uncategorized | Posted by Brian PCF
Dec 23 2011

There is no difference between a WODaholic and a Non-WODaholic. They are both still addicted, it’s just that one actually shows up.

Today we explore ways to set yourself back on track and #justshowup with a new 12 Step Program.

Why settle for your basic shitty Paleo Challenge run by some hack. Coming soon from Brian PCF: MindFuck Challenge. You’re benchmarks are:

  • How scared are you about not showing up? Not enough! We will send former Russian Spetsnaz to your house, kidnap you, claim to be Chechen’s, drive you around in circles for miles (you live 7 minutes from the gym, it’s not dramatic if they take you straight there), and tape your hands to a fucking barbell.
  • We will break into your home, and force you to watch every episode of Mad Men and whenever anyone pours a drink or lights a cigarette we will pepper spray you in the fucking face. If you don’t have the DVD’s, don’t worry, we’ll get them from your roomate, who at least has Season 2.
  • And in extreme situations: indefinite detention, enhanced cheese-deprivation techniques, and subliminal word association (bread=yucky poopy), in order to scare the living shit out of you.

The Brian PCF 12 Step Mindfuck Non-WODaholic Program (thanks AA):

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol not showing up — that our lives had become unmanageable really busy because my job sucks and TV and Clarendon are awesome.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves our newly rehired and somewhat passable, when sober, coach Brian PCF and the Crossfit Community could restore us to our sanity previous pant/dress size and modest feeling of fucking eliteness.

3. Made a decision to turn our will credit card number and our lives five hours per week over to the care of God said passably competent coach as we understood Him even though we don’t understand most of his strange blog posts.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves frantic search for old clothes because my “three months of Crossfit” clothes don’t fit anymore.

5. Admitted to God our coach, to ourselves, and to another human being a random stranger at Spider Kelly’s during happy hour the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. We are entirely ready to have God our somewhat passable coach and the Crossfit Community remove all these defects of character make us walk around like we just had an appointment with the angriest proctologist on earth for at least the first two weeks back.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings for our old membership rate.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed non-paleo foods we ate at the office Christmas Party, and became willing to make amends to them all at least try Paleo-brownies versus the real thing.

9. Made direct amends deposit and a long term contract my preferred payment option to such people Crossfit gyms wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others jeopardize my paying for my share of yacht week at Lake Havasu, which is totally rad.

10. Continued to take personal inventory thrash myself mentally and when we were wrong done promptly admitted it started drinking mojito’s at home, alone.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation frequent posts with exclamation points on the comments section rather than showing up to improve our conscious contact with God my mostly passable coach and the Crossfit Community as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out that some stupid workout with [insert: Squats/Not Squats/Box Jumps/Pullups/Pushups/Running/Not Running/Rowing/Not Rowing/Double Unders/etc] wouldn’t come up on the day I swore I’d come back, but if it did I’d have the power to carry that out, or at least not get caught shaving reps off the last round.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening a simultaneous shitting/puking episode in the one bathroom at the gym as the next class is showing up and them totally hearing/smelling this as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics non-Crossfitting co-workers, friends, and family, and to practice these principles in all our affairs so they know what a fucking badass I am, or at least will be if I can stick with it this time.

Progress Update: I’m an Olympic Caliber Athlete*

Uncategorized | Posted by Brian PCF
Dec 05 2011

*If I was competing in the 18 and Under Female category (literally, here’s the weight they put up). I wouldn’t win, but I’d be pretty close – and that’s if I was competing in the 105 lbs division. Holy shit.

The Specific Generalized Template seems to be doing ok. Did Power Clean/Split Jerk 4x1x225 and Back Squat 3x5x300 yesterday.

Collected Blurbs, 11/29/2011-12/05/2011

Uncategorized | Posted by Brian PCF
Dec 05 2011

First off, big ups to our Cold War Teams, they did great this weekend.

Tuesday 111129

A quick note about consistency and goals: I had an athlete lay out a plan for me via email that included 5-6 days of training per week. There was a lot of stuff that was outside of the normal WOD that he saw as a weakness and that he wanted to work on. I didn’t think that his extra stuff was too bad an idea, and I noticed that when I saw him in the gym, that he wasn’t progressing too much on his weights during strength sessions or METCONs.

We had some back and forth on what we thought was the best approach, then randomly I looked at the number of times that he’s come to the gym in the last six months. He had averaged 1.8 visits per week.

Lesson is: Master the basics before you throw them out. The basics in this case means: show up. That will fix pretty much every issue that you are going to have. -Brian PCF

This one started a spirited discussion on the blog, check it out here.

Wednesday 111130

I try to get every athlete who has just graduated Foundations to understand this analogy:

Foundations is like listening to Spanish on tape. It’s confusing at first, but not too hard to get the basics. After several hours of this, you think: “hey, I’m getting this!”

When you start attending Workout of the Day Classes, that’s like being dropped into a dive bar in Jaurez, Mexico, at midnight on a Saturday. Your first reaction is “Holy Shit, is this guy talking to me going to stab me or is he asking me what time it is?”

Like language, immersion is the key. Give WODs about six weeks and you’ll understand movements, terms, logistics, and how to get in and out without getting shot. -Brian PCF

Proper nutrition is the single most important thing you can do for your health and fitness. Seriously, you can stop working out, quit the gym, eat super clean, and be generally healthy.

You’ll be much better off adding functional movements (aka movements the body is designed to do) with some degree of intensity, but if you just eat clean, you’re going to be doing great.

Don’t look at your nutrition and exercise as two sides of a scale. You don’t get to eat grilled cheese sandwiches in the morning, workout at night and get “balanced”. Eat clean, work hard in the gym. -Brian PCF